The good stuffs out the back!

I’m only using it for soft skin, I swear Mr Turnball.

In my attempt to eat well and therefore be healthier and more productive, I’ve come across some interesting, I’d even say alien like foods.  A lot of blog reading and research has taken me down some strange gastronomical back alleys and I have to say I like it. I feel like a foodie spy getting access to things previously unknown.  Like activating my sprouts and nuts!  Who’d have thought?  Did you know there is a yeast that smells and tastes like cheese? I kid you not.

I gave up dairy quite successfully and with great results. I’ve been eating much less meat and I’ll eventually do away with it all together. I don’t know how anyone can watch Cowspiracy and not be moved but I digress. I have been making a very delicious smoothie with pea protein and when I ran out I had a chat with a lovely lady at my local health food store. I asked her if I was on the right track or was there something else I should be trying.  She looked left and right then left again and leaned in close. Her voice dropped to a whisper.

“Come out the back “she said…

I looked around with her, expecting her to open her cardigan and ask me if I wanted to buy a watch.

In the storeroom she closed the door but her voice remained conspiratorially soft.  “I’m not allowed to sell you this as a food product,” she said, handing me a bag of something squishy with swagman and a thumbs up on the front.  Anything with a thumbs up must be great but if its hidden on the bottom shelf in a storeroom it has to be even better.

“What is it?” I whispered, looking at the door for a quick getaway if she turned psycho on me.

“Hemp,” she said, her voice dropping to a level only dogs can hear. “I can only sell it to you as a product you use externally.” She turned the package over and sure enough, a sticker covered the nutritional chart. Instead of telling me how much to drink, it was telling me how it made an amazing body scrub.

“The rest of the world can drink it, but we’re not allowed?”


“But it’s perfectly safe. Very high in protein.”

I had read about hemp power, oil, seeds, milk, but I had no idea it was so temptingly illegal in my own country.  I admit, this made it even more appealing.

After making sure no one was listening in the back of the storeroom, she told me how to prepare a smoothie ( i.e exactly the same way every other protein power is used) and since she was showing me the good stuff out the back, I felt obliged to be amazed.

I left the store with my stash placed in a paper bag. Even the receipt said “for external use!”  I really do live in a nanny state, huh!

The green countries are allowed to consume hemp. The red ones have to scrub themselves healthy.

I’ve been using the hemp power every day, expecting a government official to knock on my door each time to check I was scrubbing myself only.  I’m flaunting the law every morning I guzzle it down. I like it better than the pea protein. There is no real flavour and it’s not as thick. I like my smoothies a bit runny.  I’ve also switched to half coconut milk half almond.  The all almond had a funny aftertaste.  Let me know if you have a milk you prefer and I’ll give a go – that is if the Australian Govt thinks I’m responsible enough to consume it.

I returned to the heath-food wonderland with its magical storeroom today and asked for non dairy cheese.  Alas, that’s legal here. I can’t wait to use all my hemp and return for another.  Espionage is so exciting. Perhaps they have hemp oil I can pretend to spray on my squeaky bike wheel.